Off the Record - November Edition

Years ago, I lived on the other side of the pond. In Canada, to be precise. Like everything that happened pre-COVID, it feels like another lifetime to me.

Canada is a beautiful country. I dare you to argue otherwise. During my time there, I tried to explore as many tiny bits of this huge territory as I could.

One winter, I ended up in Nova Scotia. Beautiful country up there. Yet, it is one of those places I might never see again.

If you’ve travelled a little bit, there’s only three kinds of places, really:
- the places you can’t wait to get away from
- the places that don’t move you much
- the places you’re sad to leave and promise yourself (or others, but that’s trickier) to come back to ASAFA (as soon as finances allow).

Halifax fell into the first category for me. Now, don’t let that discourage you from exploring the Maritime provinces. This is only my experience and your mileage may vary. At another point in time, I might have loved it.
But I digress.

Today, I’m very glad I went. Even if I don’t ever want to go back.

This was a rough period of my life. Many changes. Experiencing loss. Relocating across the world without a single lead. I didn’t even own a winter coat.

I stayed in the city about two weeks, and it was quite an active stay. A lot of exploration. I also remember going to a lot of bars, as it’s often the case when I travel. I tried a different one every night.

At this point, you might be thinking I had a little bit of a drinking problem. That’s not what it’s about, no. I just never found one where I felt truly comfortable.

Any watering hole worth a damn is a community. It’s a glimpse of a version of that place you’re in, pulling together several types of people, different crowds. Visiting bars might be one of the best ways to understand a city, if you ask me.

No one asked, so let’s move on.

What I did in Halifax is not relevant. What matters is, I left a lot of baggage there. I did a lot of thinking, and worked hard to get closure.

I can still picture myself on the deck of the ferry that freezing morning. I took a long breath and dropped my heavy suitcases in the middle of the bay. In the glimpse of an eye, they were gone.
Swallowed by the ice cold depths of the North Atlantic.

I left it all there, and looked forward.

The memory of that day still pops into my head from time to time. I’ll never go back to Halifax.
Too many ghosts.

But I’m grateful I went, coz that’s where I buried my old failures. Clean slate. Fresh start.
And Lord knows I was in desperate need of one.

Everyone is at one point or another. So remember, only death is final. Anything else can be turned around. Light the damn suitcase on fire, watch it burn, and walk away.

But then again, what do I know…

Burnin’ Up

Tango

Today I’m delighted to welcome Lianzi. An artist with a rich background, she grew up in China and now resides in the Bay area. A multi-instrumentalist, she produces her own songs and home schools her two children.

How do you like to define yourself?

I would say I'm an artist, whatever that encompasses. In the past, I've been in the visual arts, and I studied fashion design. There's a lot of overlap with the creative process. So I see myself as an artist, any medium I can get my hands on.

I like that. But you were a musician from the start, right?

Yeah, I did start early. My parents are both musicians and I grew up with a lot of music. They were in the national orchestra back in China, and we all lived together with the whole orchestra. It was like this whole thing back in the day.

So I grew up with a lot of music and piano and singing and all those things. And then I feel like my parents actually discouraged me from going into music as way of a job, basically. They wanted me to have something else.

So I think I internalized that, even though in my heart I really wanted to make music. I went into something else and I didn't touch it for a long time. And then I sort of slowly found my way back to it.

Piano was your first instrument?

Yes. Well, singing, I started singing very early. But yes, piano, a very classical kind of background with piano. Writing and making my own things, that came much later.

Was there a moment in your journey when it clicked? Like, I have to do this and there's no coming back?

Absolutely. I would say it was the first song I wrote and uploaded to SoundCloud.

I had wanted to learn how to make music and I wanted to explore. And I tried a lot of different things before. I tried to start my own business, I worked in corporate jobs. I worked for big manufacturers and small, very high-end designers. And I did photography, all kinds of other things… But nothing really clicked like, oh, I really enjoy this, I wanna do this.

But as soon as I uploaded that first song, I was like, wow, this is what I wanna do for the rest of my life. There's no doubt about that. It was just, I just knew. I just knew.

I’ve had the privilege to listen to some of your gorgeous new tunes, do you have a release date yet?

No, no release date. I'm still kind of in the planning stages. Honestly, I don't know how to approach this anymore. I don’t know how to relate myself to this whole release process.

I'm still learning about what feels comfortable for me, what feels right as far as posting on social media. It is a work in progress. I want to see it as an extension of my art, being able to have the color and the mood and all those things.

But at the same time, my energy and resources are limited. And the process of putting it out there is uncomfortable too, emotionally, you know?

Yeah, letting go of months of work, it’s not yours anymore.

Yeah, so I've been wrestling with that, so why release at all? What is the purpose of this?

What’s the best piece of advice someone gave you?

I read this in a book called The Organized Songwriter by Simon Hawkins.

He got this from some writers’ round table or something. Someone told him to write on the edge of the table. So as in, you know, the things that are a little bit on the edge, a little bit dangerous to write about. A little bit out there kind of thing. That’s what you should be writing about. Don't write in the middle of the table. Everybody writes in the middle of the table.

Those are the songs that I've related to the most. The ones that are like, oh, I wouldn't have said it myself, but I want to say that.

What’s on the front burner?

I recently started learning jazz piano and it’s a whole different kind of area to exercise my brain. In some ways, it's a different mindset when it comes to music playing. I want to have that playfulness in it, and I want to be able to let it flow in some ways.

But it's an uncomfortable process because when I'm by myself, I feel like there's a certain kind of freedom and vulnerability that comes out. But to do that, even in front of my own teacher, I'm like, I cannot do what I just did earlier this week in front of you.

It's an interesting thing to think about. Because I think a lot about education and creativity, and how those two things sometimes can be in contrast. Formal education can be in conflict with developing one's creativity. I have young kids and I don't send them to formal school.

I think a lot about how I grew up and the things that I've learned and internalized and how that’s helped me in some ways, but in others held me back a lot of times too.

Sure. You evolve either with or in opposition to what you've known. Where do you think it comes from? All this creative energy that you have, that people like us carry?

Where does it come from? I mean, that's a tough question.

I think about spirituality in some ways too. I wrestle with the idea of, is there something? But I do believe intellectually that there's something bigger than what we, as humans, can see and perceive. But to really lean into that is difficult for me. I didn't grow up in a religious background or with spirituality or anything like that. But when I can leave things open, I do feel something coming to me.

We do pull things out of nothing when creating. That’s quite weird, when you stop to think about it.

You can't think too hard about it. It’s mysterious. I think you have to lean into some kind of trust for it, whatever it is. But at the same time, it's very hard to even jump into that mindset.

Lianzi is releasing her new single Big Gulp this Friday. Pre-save it here & connect with her on Instagram to not miss it.

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